Hazardous: Following is Flowing

I’m sharing My Hazardous Faith Story as part of a synchroblog connected with the release of Ed Cyzewski and Derek Cooper’s new book Hazardous: Committing to the Cost of Following Jesus. I've adapted and expanded my story from a previous blog post.

 _______________________________________________________

It's been almost 40 years since the night I made a decision to follow Jesus. Well...let me qualify that. To follow God. In my mind Jesus was like the Divine Elevator Operator. All I had to do was trust he would let me on the elevator and push the right buttons to transport me Up. Other than that the Son was secondary to my focus on God the Father. It took 12 years of a downward spiritual slide to figure out that the metaphor was completely wrong and as a result I had been riding the wrong elevator all along.

That moment of enlightenment and then transformation arrived through yet another metaphor, a castle, a story to tell another time. Since then I have noticed a pattern in my path as I try to follow Jesus. Besides Scripture, he often chooses metaphors as a way to communicate with me.When it comes to discerning God's voice I seem to do better with pictures to clearly understand a concept or the choices I have before me. It's probably why I love the Old Testament so much.

One particular metaphor has become a theme for my spiritual life: a river. It has surfaced several times in recent years as I have sought to follow Jesus. However a river can depict both calm and chaos, both a lazy river or a raging one. As a metaphor it has proven to be appropriate for both the hazards and the benefits of following One who often calls disciples to step out of the boat and into churning waters. This is my story of such a moment.

___________________________ 

During my trip to China last March I roomed with a professional consultant whose job was to help businesses unlock hidden potentials in their employees. It turned out to be a serendipitous experience as she generously offered advice and affirmation in my quest to follow God’s call on my life.

By “call” I mean my final life work, my greatest contribution to the Kingdom, the place where my passion, my gifts, my education and my experiences converge on my purpose for being alive.

So what is my call?

I have no idea.

I have hints. I have convictions. I have made choices in my educational pursuits. I see patterns in my personal history. I have experienced successes. And failures. I know what my gifts and strengths are as well as my weaknesses. I have experienced times of aliveness and joy. I have also experienced deep pain and disappointment.

But I have never received a "call."

This gap in my spiritual resume was brought to the forefront many years ago during an encounter with God. I believed He told me something to help me understand how my journey with Christ would be shaped. I don’t presume to “hear from God” but there are times when the moment is so sacred, so outside the box and contrary to what I normally know or think that I can’t help but believe that the “voice” is divine.

And what did I hear?

I may never receive the "CALL."

What?!! I thought getting a "call" was part of the package for every follower of Jesus!

This piece of news came at a prayer retreat led by a seminary professor who asked the students to take a walk out in nature and commune with God. This is easy to do when you live in Oregon. I had been wrestling with an important decision and decided to pray about it during this exercise. While walking along a small, fast-moving river filled with the spring runoff I encountered several metaphors that spoke powerfully into my seeking heart.
 

The first metaphor was a huge boulder sitting in the middle of the raging spring waters. As I reflected on the rock, a string of thoughts tumbled through my brain: Harriet, you are like that rock in the river. You are resisting doing this thing I have asked you to do. You will not budge from your comfortable place and flow with my Spirit. Instead you are creating a lot of foam with your complaining of the situation that I have asked you to step into and help to be part of the solution. The real decision you must make is whether to obey me and move or stay where you are.

Rats! I did not like being compared to that stubborn boulder! I did want to obey but the task set before me was the last thing I wanted to do - help out in the church office that was in disarray. But I'm in seminary so that I can teach the Bible in church, not answer phones! Even so I made a half-hearted attempt at submission.

I walked a little further along the bank and came to a small stream that broke off from the main river. A small island had formed and I could see where the tributary rejoined the river. As I stared at the stream, another voice invaded my mind: Harriet, this thing I am asking you to do is just a temporary detour. There are some things for you to learn here that you will not learn anywhere else. Don’t worry. Eventually I will take you back into the main stream of my purposes for you where you will use the gifts I have given you.

This metaphor helped to nudge me toward a resolution. I could handle temporary. But temporary ended up being three and a half years as a secretary, which felt like a lifetime. The things the Voice said I needed to learn proved to be the most painful lessons of my life. But it also ended in some of the deepest healing moments and greatest growth experiences ever.

When I finally pulled my eyes away from the tributary I looked up to follow the flow. What I saw was disappointing. The river took a bend shortly after the small stream reconnected and disappeared from sight. It did not take long for the final thoughts to form: Harriet, for now you will not know where I am taking you. You will not get a clear call for your life. I am asking you to trust me for only the next step. Don’t worry about the far future and what it will look like. Just pay attention. Follow me one step at a time.

By the time the last words disappeared into the folds and synapses of my brain, I was convinced those thoughts were not my own. Considering how I normally lived life, I would not have dreamed these for myself.

I am usually stubborn.

I don't get off the path without a good reason.

I always have a long-term goal to work towards.

Based on what I thought I heard God saying to me, obedience meant taking a risk.

Twelve years later I look back and see that every part of that river metaphor has been played out in my life. It was safer to remain the obstinate boulder but I chose to risk the hazards of being a river rock tossed and tumbled by the flow of what God was wanting to work around me. I nearly drowned in the raging river which included suffering under spiritual abuse, being humbled through personal failure and standing firm against male leaders who mistook the freedom and gifting of the Spirit for biblical doctrine. But I wasn't destroyed. The tossing lasted for a season and I came out of it a stronger and more honed follower of Jesus.

In many ways I am still in the bend of the river. I still have to trust Christ for my next step. I may not have a "call" on my life as many Christians often describe it but in reality, I always have a call. It is the call to follow Jesus even if it's hazardous, even if he calls me to step out of the boat and into the churning waters. Next time I hope I'll be as quicker to get into the water.

In my metaphorically-inclinded mind, I believe now that HAZARD = ADVENTURE.

 _____________________________________________________________

If you want to share your own Hazardous Faith Story, go to the synchroblog landing page: http://wp.me/PewoB-SN to get the info.